i had my last dinner with Mr Crush. after realising everything, i was thinking.. well its time for me to just meet him for the last time without him knowing. As we sat having our dinner, he was telling me how much he appreciate me tellin my feelings towards him and that he's just not ready for any commitment. he told me, he hv a few girl friends including me. and there's 2 of them who like him. i'm like, oh shit, competition kaper... then he said that, he didnt told them that there's sum others who like him..but he only told me. So what does that mean???
Secondly, he told me that he will not be contacting me that much for the past 2 wks onwards or perhaps more than 2 wks, cos he need to study for his exam. in my heart, seriously i used to be a student and i even hv time to meet and contact with my other frens , and u being a 28 yr old guy, dun tell me u dunno how to juggle with work,studies,families and myself??? LAME!
Thrirdly, i dunno am i being stupid or wat. i m just fuckin piss off that to know he meet up with other girls. yes i am JEALOUS,tats me! honestly, he didnt know that i was totally into him till i dun even feel like goin out with other guys beside than Nizam or Haizam cos they r my frens. Meaning like goin for a date or just meet up an online buddy, i dun even meet them cos i feel GUILTY. and i know that i shld just tell him how i felt after tat, but wats the point. THE DAMAGE HAVE BEEN DONE!
Fourthly, he said that sumtimes when i text him, he's on the bike,busy working and will msg me later but sumtimes he forget and lastly becos of sum reason. wat reason eh> i dunno,i dun even bother to ask. if he wants to tell me, tell me then.
Lastly, i hv tryin to give up hope on him. i was like, there's no chances of me being with him in future cos there's other girls who like him. i dun wan to put any percentage of hopes in him cos end of the day if its not me who he want, i will get totally heartbroken. its been 3 days since we last talk on the phone and sms. seriously, i m tryin to avoid him.i m tryin not to think of him. but at times when i did, i just being sad and started to b on tears and i always dream that he run away from me. Bottomline, i'm thru with this dating stuff and him. If we r meant to be together, then ok. if not, we'll just be friends which i shld not have any feelings for him. ...
finally i cant believe i always like this song and cant believe i m finally dedicating it to sumone,which is him. lol.. here it goes:
Fazli Zainal - Harapan
Doaku agar kau kan selalu bahagia
Agar kau temui insan tulus menyayangimu
Lepaskanlah diriku kerna keredhaanmu
Bukan kerna dendam jua bukan kerna kau terpaksa
Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu
Ku undur diri bersama harapan
Tidak kesampaian cinta kita
Ku bawa harapan ku pendam rahsia
Ku di kejauhan mendoakan
Agar kau bahagia tiada lagi duka
Daku rela mengundur diri
Ku pasti dikau kan fahami
Tiada penyesalan kasihku korbankan
Andai telah tertulis ku terima ini bukannya ku pinta
Oh pergilah dikau diiringi keikhlasanku,
Cuma pengalaman mengisi kekosongan mimpiku
Last Thoughts @ 6:45 PM
September 2008