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Nataku

Rewind ;
August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008

i had my last dinner with Mr Crush. after realising everything, i was thinking.. well its time for me to just meet him for the last time without him knowing. As we sat having our dinner, he was telling me how much he appreciate me tellin my feelings towards him and that he's just not ready for any commitment. he told me, he hv a few girl friends including me. and there's 2 of them who like him. i'm like, oh shit, competition kaper... then he said that, he didnt told them that there's sum others who like him..but he only told me. So what does that mean???

Secondly, he told me that he will not be contacting me that much for the past 2 wks onwards or perhaps more than 2 wks, cos he need to study for his exam. in my heart, seriously i used to be a student and i even hv time to meet and contact with my other frens , and u being a 28 yr old guy, dun tell me u dunno how to juggle with work,studies,families and myself??? LAME!

Thrirdly, i dunno am i being stupid or wat. i m just fuckin piss off that to know he meet up with other girls. yes i am JEALOUS,tats me! honestly, he didnt know that i was totally into him till i dun even feel like goin out with other guys beside than Nizam or Haizam cos they r my frens. Meaning like goin for a date or just meet up an online buddy, i dun even meet them cos i feel GUILTY. and i know that i shld just tell him how i felt after tat, but wats the point. THE DAMAGE HAVE BEEN DONE!

Fourthly, he said that sumtimes when i text him, he's on the bike,busy working and will msg me later but sumtimes he forget and lastly becos of sum reason. wat reason eh> i dunno,i dun even bother to ask. if he wants to tell me, tell me then.

Lastly, i hv tryin to give up hope on him. i was like, there's no chances of me being with him in future cos there's other girls who like him. i dun wan to put any percentage of hopes in him cos end of the day if its not me who he want, i will get totally heartbroken. its been 3 days since we last talk on the phone and sms. seriously, i m tryin to avoid him.i m tryin not to think of him. but at times when i did, i just being sad and started to b on tears and i always dream that he run away from me. Bottomline, i'm thru with this dating stuff and him. If we r meant to be together, then ok. if not, we'll just be friends which i shld not have any feelings for him. ...

finally i cant believe i always like this song and cant believe i m finally dedicating it to sumone,which is him. lol.. here it goes:

Fazli Zainal - Harapan

Doaku agar kau kan selalu bahagia
Agar kau temui insan tulus menyayangimu
Lepaskanlah diriku kerna keredhaanmu
Bukan kerna dendam jua bukan kerna kau terpaksa

Ku tinggalkan memori bersamamu
Ku undur diri bersama harapan

Tidak kesampaian cinta kita
Ku bawa harapan ku pendam rahsia
Ku di kejauhan mendoakan
Agar kau bahagia tiada lagi duka

Daku rela mengundur diri
Ku pasti dikau kan fahami

Tiada penyesalan kasihku korbankan
Andai telah tertulis ku terima ini bukannya ku pinta
Oh pergilah dikau diiringi keikhlasanku,
Cuma pengalaman mengisi kekosongan mimpiku

I just find out that my last ex..well that JERK have a kid of his own. surprise surprise.. what a LIAR!!!
My friday, i went to Marina Square to get my pay cheque! yippieee.. hahaaaa.. after that went to this book shop and bought this book call, How your Brain Work? interesting... at nite went out with my sis and frens for lepak.. with Ooops.. baron? haha its my so call, drinking day. but it was okay. Mr Crush didnt know,well tk kan smua dia nk tau kan..
so i was on the phone with my close gf, Sharon. askin hows things and everything. okay i must say, all my frens were shock that i manage to date with the same guy that is Mr Crush. well, no comments. :) Ain is Changing for better,wat can Ain say more..
Later sat, goin out with sis and haizam.. gonna watch madagascar 2!!! so excited sehhhh! lol..

awryte i have sum update pix which taken during raya .. so here's a peek..

last sat, i went for my ex colleagues bbq pit.. it was fuckin far siak frm the macdonald at east coast.. omg,its like 15 mins walk.. sigh sigh!!! me and my sis left early to met up nizam and haizam. fuck.. they r suppose to meet us at 11 and end up they fuckin screw us up by waiting for them almost an hr and end up,they gotta last min plan.. arghh!!! i was totally piss off when Mr Crush call me to meet up for a supper. so i was okay laa.. i was still piss off. he fetch me my place arnd 1 am and he was like, are you okay?? i told him, today is my piss off day and pls dun piss me okay? he kept quiet and he's like okay, lets watch soccer..and he ask me wat happen and etc.. liverpool vs tottenham<-- i hope it's spell correct! liverpool 1-2. Mr Crush was like wtf!! how cld liverpool lost!!! my reply, well wat do u expect, its tottenham place they r having on.. for sure, tottenham will win rite.. duhhh.. 1st was like own score and 2nd they score by 90 min.. like wtf kan!so after tat we had a chat and etc.. then he send me off to home. today is ... Wednesday!! let me see, just another bored day for Ain!! this week i'm not meeting Mr Crush :( sad sad sad... next week i guess we'll be meeting. we were on the phone just now and he's like okay..next week we'll go to Sakae Sushi. Yes!! its been mths since i had a sushi in my mouth.. drooling... *counting the days... 10 more days* omg.. i m trying to force myself realising he's just a fren,nothing more. he's strange.. he will hold my hands whenever we go out together,saying that he wanna make sure i'm okay and safe. our first date, i still rmbr, we were walkin at this pasar mlm and he was on the phone with his papa when this Malay man came to me,asking for a lighter since i was smoking and Mr Crush is a NON SMOKER AND DRINKER. so i give it to him, and he smile and he look at Mr Crush and say Thanks to me and walk away.. after that, Mr Crush say to me, "i dun understand SMOKERS, they can afford to buy a pack of cig and they cldnt afford to buy a lighter? how LAME!! tats why don't be a smoker!!!" i was like okay!! so after that we went to the bus stop, and then.. tat MALAY guy walk past us and look at me and smile. i look away.. then Mr Crush ask me, "so, is he tryin to get to know u wat?" , i say"mana la i tahu.. he's only askin for a lighter lahh..!" then Mr Crush hold my waist and kiss me.. then he say," i think he wanna get to know u.. the way he say and watever..btw he did look at me when he ask for a lighter rite?" i was like, "yahhh.." he reply, 'ok tats good then..is he lookin at u rite now??" i was like, alamakkk.. why get so work up?? sigh sigh..

Mr Crush, i m so missin you man...

few days ago, 2 of my ex contacted me saying how much they miss me and etc.. i was like okay. malas la nk layann.. why shld i miss them when i miss Mr Crush the most other than this jerks.. i guess they have taste their own medicine.. serve them rite!! drng da boring, nk cari aku la ni, sweet talk and etc. pls la eh, even if these ppl were to beg on their knees on me, i wld still say NO!

Doaku agar kau kan selalu bahagia
Agar kau temui insan tulus menyayangimu
Lepaskanlah diriku kerna kerelaanmu
Bukan kerna dendam jua bukan kerna kau terpaksa

*Ku tinggalkan memori
Bersamamu....
Ku undur diri bersama
Harapan... (oh...)

Tidak kesampaian cinta kita
Ku bawa harapan ku pendam rahsia
Ku dikejauhan mendoakan
Agar kau bahgia tiada lagi duka
Daku rela mengundur diri
Ku pasti dikau kan fahami..

Tiada penyesalan kasih ku korbankan
Andai telah tertulis ku terima ini bukannya ku pinta
Pergilah dikau diiringi keikhlasanku
Cuma pengalaman mengisi kekosongan mimpiku